A reflection on motherhood & art practice pt. 2
The tension between art and design is similar to that of vocation and motherhood. Often the one informs or renews the other but it is important to acknowledge their own separate roles. In order to honor the work of both artists and designers, we must distinguish their differences. To oversimplify, art primarily needs to exist for itself as the end, whereas design tends to give itself to external means and purposes. For example, floral design is specifically a practice that serves to memorialize or celebrate which is why you tend to see flowers at weddings and funerals and not in galleries or museums. However, I think it’s a good idea for designers to practice art in order to continue creating authentic and challenging work. The times I have paused to make art with florals, I have experienced rejuvenation in my design practice.
Rather than trying to prove to myself that my designs are art, I find rest in knowing that my work does not have to fulfill a particular definition in order to have value. Though, I do think without it, my designs suffer. Whether through dance, drawing, writing or making floral arrangements for the sake of themselves, the need to express feeling, emotions and drama is at the foundation of my artistic inspiration. Pinterest will always fall short of true internal grit. I have struggled to call my practice art since flowers are by their nature beautiful and lack the raw, grotesque characteristics of so much of the contemporary art that I admire. But knowing that they are separate, actually takes the pressure off.
Whether an arrangement is made as art or as design, leave it out long enough and the stress of this life will reveal itself. If you have ever seen a decaying sunflower, it is as if the wilting disc has spent the last day over the toilet, hair soaked in sweat and raw exhaustion. As a mother I feel so often like the sunflower in its various stages and am oddly even comforted whenever I see one of these giant puking blooms. It makes me feel seen.
When it comes to vocation, it is not always for me to determine whether my work is art or design. I am called to do what is set before me and right now that is raising two children and running a flower business. At the center of my purpose is serving others, specifically in a way that is sacrificial and rooted in love. Understanding this, helps me keep going when I feel guilty for leaving my kids for days on end to work on a wedding.
I have found that when I am not clear on the underlying motivation of love, negative self-talk and limiting beliefs about myself tend to almost shout at me. I sense the little joy feelings trying to get back in but they are just smothered in all the growling of the inner wolves. I won’t be the first to tell you that comparison is the thief of joy. When I compare myself to others, it’s not so much other floral designers as it is those who I consider to be “true” artists. I begin to doubt myself and my purpose and wonder if a career in screamo music would resonate more with what I am actually feeling inside. Perhaps…Perhaps screaming lyrics into a microphone is my true calling but it is not what is in front of me now. I am more likely to generate love through the simple acts of creating a bouquet or reading a book to my children than hyping up head bangers.
Art happens when I look the tragic parts of my mind in the eye and speak to them through whatever my hands are able to make. It need be nothing more. I am living out my calling when I do what is set before me in love. It need be nothing more.
