Art vs. Design, Mother vs. Maker

A reflection on motherhood & art practice pt. 2

The tension between art and design is similar to that of vocation and motherhood. Often the one informs or renews the other but it is important to acknowledge their own separate roles. In order to honor the work of both artists and designers, we must distinguish their differences. To oversimplify, art primarily needs to exist for itself as the end, whereas design tends to give itself to external means and purposes. For example, floral design is specifically a practice that serves to memorialize or celebrate which is why you tend to see flowers at weddings and funerals and not in galleries or museums. However, I think it’s a good idea for designers to practice art in order to continue creating authentic and challenging work. The times I have paused to make art with florals, I have experienced rejuvenation in my design practice.

Rather than trying to prove to myself that my designs are art, I find rest in knowing that my work does not have to fulfill a particular definition in order to have value. Though, I do think without it, my designs suffer. Whether through dance, drawing, writing or making floral arrangements for the sake of themselves, the need to express feeling, emotions and drama is at the foundation of my artistic inspiration. Pinterest will always fall short of true internal grit. I have struggled to call my practice art since flowers are by their nature beautiful and lack the raw, grotesque characteristics of so much of the contemporary art that I admire. But knowing that they are separate, actually takes the pressure off. 

Whether an arrangement is made as art or as design, leave it out long enough and the stress of this life will reveal itself. If you have ever seen a decaying sunflower, it is as if the wilting disc has spent the last day over the toilet, hair soaked in sweat and raw exhaustion. As a mother I feel so often like the sunflower in its various stages and am oddly even comforted whenever I see one of these giant puking blooms. It makes me feel seen.

When it comes to vocation, it is not always for me to determine whether my work is art or design. I am called to do what is set before me and right now that is raising two children and running a flower business. At the center of my purpose is serving others, specifically in a way that is sacrificial and rooted in love. Understanding this, helps me keep going when I feel guilty for leaving my kids for days on end to work on a wedding. 

I have found that when I am not clear on the underlying motivation of love, negative self-talk and limiting beliefs about myself tend to almost shout at me. I sense the little joy feelings trying to get back in but they are just smothered in all the growling of the inner wolves. I won’t be the first to tell you that comparison is the thief of joy. When I compare myself to others, it’s not so much other floral designers as it is those who I consider to be “true” artists. I begin to doubt myself and my purpose and wonder if a career in screamo music would resonate more with what I am actually feeling inside. Perhaps…Perhaps screaming lyrics into a microphone is my true calling but it is not what is in front of me now. I am more likely to generate love  through the simple acts of creating a bouquet or reading a book to my children than hyping up head bangers. 

Art happens when I look the tragic parts of my mind in the eye and speak to them through whatever my hands are able to make. It need be nothing more. I am living out my calling when I do what is set before me in love. It need be nothing more.

The origin story

Camping in Fire Island, Summer 2015

Back in the day when we were younger and more single, my dear friend Rebecka and I would bike to the beach, go on epic camping trips and get together to make flowers. We called our floral gatherings Flower Clvb and would wake up early in the morning, travel to the flower district, grab some blooms, then meet back up after work to make! Years prior to my NYC move, I worked for a florist in Waco, TX (Rose Tree) preparing flowers and sweeping floors, all while taking careful note of the ways each designer would place and put together pieces of various shapes and sizes. So when Rebecka and I began creating arrangements, my experience gave us the foundation we needed to jump into filling water buckets and de-thorninng roses. At the time when our flower clvb gatherings began, she was cutting hair and I was working at Patagonia.

Rebecka and I in our element

Given that our NYC hustles did not provide unlimited funds for our flower arranging hobby, we gave ourselves a $25 budget and choose flowers simply based on whatever fit into our $50 spending pot. Clearly, this wasn’t something we could do on a weekly basis but when we did, the 6 A.M. vigor of florists and vendors scurrying about the flower district, made flowers seem like an adventure. Eventually, Rebecka and I started making arrangements for church events and friends, growing more in love with the idea of working alongside nature.

Left arm = Rebecka’s arm. Right arm = my arm. Obviously Rebecka’s arm is way more cool!

When I think about the origin of Flower Clvb, I often think about my time with Rebecka, wildly pursuing nature and a life chasing the sun. Though not my favorite flower to use in arrangements, of all blooms, I would consider myself a Sun Flower as they go where the sun goes. Rebecka is a birch tree, deeply rooted in the forest and mountains, where she moved the summer of 2016. Although we lived in different cities, the time we had together made way for each of our next chapters. It was the fall of 2016, that I began dreaming about the steps it would take to start my own floral business. I started taking classes and workshops from some of my favorite designers and then with a few weddings under my belt, I launched.

Me, with a sunflower I grew from my fire escape garden

Rebecka & Mark celebrating their next chapter! Flowers made by Rebecka!

Having worked at Patagonia and learned the business practices of Yvon Chouinard’s environmentally progressive company, I acquired the groundwork for how I wanted to run my own business. Not only do certain profits go towards supporting environmental organizations, but the materials and working conditions used to create supply are done ethically and responsibly. After my time at Patagonia, I ran various arts education programs at libraries and public schools, developing a deep love for how children and adults alike acquire aesthetic preferences and learn to see and value the world. Each of my working experiences has defined what Flower Clvb is beyond just a floral design business.

While to me, making sculptural art pieces using nature as my medium of choice is what floral design is all about, it is also about celebrating the people who receive each arrangement and loving the earth by which each blossom came. It is a profound mystery that the ground is able to produce such an array of color, shape and texture. By spending time with organisms as intricate as blossoming plants through Flower Clvb’s gatherings and educational workshops, participants come together in awe, fellowship and affirmation that there is something bigger than ourselves at work in the world.

Preserving the earth and taking care of each flower as a living and created thing changes the perspective of how we interact with our encountered environments. Choosing materials that cause as little harm to the earth as possible such as chicken wire over floral foam, and composting refuse are small ways that Flower Clvb is making sure it has as little impact on the planet as possible. By donating to organizations seeking to preserve life and creating just conditions for living, Flower Clvb operates as a small business motivated by care for the earth.

Reflecting on life moments and experiences shared with friends like Rebecka convince me that the work we choose is inspired by something. For me, money is not the primary motivation behind my business but rather my work with flowers is inspired by a love for nature that has cultivated and grown through my relationships with people. I love the perspective of my dear friend Sarah Gregory who often reminds me that people are one of nature’s greatest gifts. So whenever I want to escape to the ocean and am stuck inside a studio processing flowers, I look into each flowerhead, think about the people receiving them and am transported to to a place equivalent to the beach on a clear day.

picture taken back in the day when over-saturated pics were a thing

A Reason To Make

Ten years ago when I started my journey in education, an art teacher told me that you do art with your students in hopes that they will see the world differently. As I processed what she said, I began to imagine the students I worked with walking to school, coming home to their neighborhoods with a broader sense of hope for themselves and the places they lived. While I liked this idea, I don’t think I ever experienced it for myself until I began practicing floral design.

Though I am not a formally trained artist, the art of floral arranging is a way for me to explore design, color, texture and making things with my hands. Flower arranging gives me tremendous amounts of joy. I am at an early stage in my career as a florist and every wedding feels like an exciting opportunity to make, create, work with nature and experience this joy. The more flower arrangements I create, the more I begin to notice the verdant life all around me in my urban Brooklyn neighborhood.

What my friend had said all those years ago, I am finally seeing. Every time I go outside I notice the greens, the flowers that are growing and the ones that are dying. I see the different kinds of varieties of greens on a tree. Before, I merely saw the trees in the background of my life and the flowers in each landscape as nature’s platitudes. But as I begin to work with flowers, I realize how profound it truly is that the colors, shapes, smells and textures of a flower are not made my man but are a product of the ground and the magic hand of God which breathes into them. With this in mind, I am seeing the world and everything in it as new.

Recently I went to the aquarium with my 15 month old son and I saw the colors and the lines on the fish as if all of those years travelling to the aquarium and zoo in my childhood, I had been blind to the magnificent designs of nature. Perhaps this new found participation in the design of flowers has lifted a veil from over my eyes. The more arrangements I make, the more awe I have for the wild, the universe and its intricacies which are so far beyond my ability to properly conceive. I love thinking about the deep shades of blue that perhaps no human has ever seen but exists somewhere in the vast seas.

 As a mother, one of the best things I can do for my son is cultivate awe in him and encourage him to explore the mysteries of his surroundings; and in so doing create empathy for his environment as well as his fellow human beings. What better reason to pursue one of man’s first callings to love, care for and nurture the earth and what better reason to make art...and to make babies!

“God took seeds from other worlds and sowed them on earth, and raised up his garden; and everything that could sprout sprouted, but it lives and grows only through its sense of being in touch with other mysterious worlds... ”

— Father Zossima, The Brothers Karamazov