Defining Your Aesthetic: 9 Tips for Brides

Having come into floral design by way of an arts and philosophy background, I often question how our human tastes are shaped. How do we come to like what we like? Are we as free as we think in choosing our own style? What part of our upbringing and cultural moment influences our various taste decisions? A bride is in a similar position to ask herself these questions.

The thing I hear most often from brides is, “I want our wedding to be timeless.” I resonate with these words as I said the same thing to my florist when I got married. What do we really mean when we say timeless? Perhaps we are actually saying, I want to look back on my wedding photos in 40 years and think that I made good choices.

My parent’s wedding

The amount of choices brides are presented with is daunting and even more-so with the added pressure of having to anticipate what the standards of beauty will be 40 years from now. Looking back at my parents wedding in the early 80’s, I don’t find their taste or style tacky. Is it because they mulled over style, perceiving what their future selves might find impressive? LOL, yeah right! Weddings back then involved little more than church ceremonies with receptions in Sunday school classrooms where cheese cubes and cake were served. While weddings have progressed in their grandeur over time, there was a lot less stress involved back then. My parent’s wedding was beautiful and even timeless because of who they were in the moment and time that they got married.

The most important thing that you as a bride can do as you plan your wedding is to nurture and let shine the voice that says, ”I can make good decisions.” This may sound like strange advice but for me, I had such anxiety making decisions during my wedding and it was all rooted in a false narrative that I told myself which was fueled by self doubt. The belief that my natural inclinations and tendencies were wrong was something I struggled with in my childhood and that often prohibited me from making decisions. I always trusted others more than myself to make choices for me. The moment of saying, “ I do “ meant so much to me because it meant that I had made a decision and believed it was a good one.

In this blog post, I want to help take the pressure off the decision making by guiding you through a few questions that will help you determine a style that represents you and that you will look back on when you are old and say, I’m glad I made that decision.

1. Start with your dress and go from there: 

   Let your dress determine the style you are going for in your wedding. Think about how you want to feel in addition to how you want to look on that day. I wanted a dress that I could dance in and that was more whimsical than elegant. So I went with a flowy rather than a form fitting gown.  Let your dress inform the words you might choose to describe your style and even the kinds of pictures you begin looking at. Once you find your dress, it will spark your imagination toward styles that correspond with that look. Write down three words you would use to describe your dress. Thinking about these words will help you hone in the look and feel  of your style and serve as a starting point for your style choices.

2. Consider themes and aesthetic tastes that both you and your fiance share: Are there places in nature, colors, music, art, literature or even movies that speak to who the both of you are? Do you love the taste and smell of whiskey? Do you hike together? Do you both love the Brothers Karamazov? Find words to describe your shared aesthetic. If there are particular flowers, plants, art pieces or objects that resonate with your partnership, write those down as well.

3. Begin a mood board (Different than your Pinterest board): Making a mood board might sound like too much effort but in an age where everything is digital, having a physical reference can help cast vision. This board is a physical board that includes magazine clippings, images of you and your partner in your favorite place, paint cards from the hardware store. Take into consideration the time of year you are getting married, the colors of the foliage and the various attributes of your venue. Is it in a barn or in the middle of an urban environment? Don’t just look at wedding pictures for inspiration (though those are helpful), think about art, leaves, interesting menus from your favorite restaurant, match box packaging, wine labels or book covers. Once you have created your mood board find the repeating tones, textures, themes, and colors that resonate with the words you have used to both describe your style and your dress. This board is also something special that you and your partner can save.

4. Together with your fiance, identify colors you like. Pop into Home Depot and grab a few paint cards. Colors whether muted, bright, moody or spunky can all be classic and beautiful. There are so many good ideas out there but often colors trend much like gaucho pants. Many brides fear that incorporating bold colors will make their wedding fail the 40 year test. On the contrary, bold colors are not the enemy. The deal breaker for color is picking ones that don’t look good together. If you have had a basic art class, you remember the color wheel and those that are complimentary and monochromatic.If your florist has a basic understanding of the color wheel and principles of design, than you can select your color palette with confidence. Also, your florists are here to help with color questions so don’t be afraid to ask!

5. Reach out to vendors who have a similar aesthetic to your choices: Whether you are picking the florist or the DJ, all of your vendors need to resonate with the aesthetic you are trying to achieve.  While many photographers are versatile, a photographer who is used to shooting beach scenes off the west coast might not make the transition to an East Coast dark and moody vibe as easily. If you are looking for an english garden style flowy bouquet, do not go to a florist who tends to make tight arrangements. However, there are plenty of photographers and florists who are versatile and have experience with a wide array of styles and tastes. They are great picks too!

6. Together with your florist, determine scale: As you begin to comprehend your style, color and theme, talk over with your florist the weight you want the florals to have. Do you want the flowers to do the talking or the season’s foliage? Both are good choices but you don’t want them to compete. Having a really full arbor in front of an already dynamic autumn backdrop might distract. If your florist is doing it right, he/she will take the time to either go visit the venue or do the research to help you to make some of these scale decisions. Another factor for determining scale is budget. If you are trying to cut down on budget do so when it comes to table centerpieces. While important, table centerpieces are the least memorable part of your wedding and they should be. Everyone is focused on eating and dancing. Put more emphasis on the blooms that people will remember such as an arbor and bouquets.

7. Focus your aesthetic choices on your ceremony over your reception: Don’t spend too much time on reception details. Of course, a long garland overlaying a wooden farm table is gorgeous but this is not the deal breaker when it comes to determining the mood or vibe of your wedding. The choices you make at your ceremony are a lot more memorable. I recently did flowers for a winter wedding at an old church in the middle of Brooklyn. The bride had chosen a dark and moody theme which was a nice compliment to the mustier tones of the church. Having aisle arrangements and placing large pieces at the entrance and side alters made a big impact.

8. Start a Pinterest board to give your vendors a point of reference: After I got married, I never wanted to look at Pinterest again. Something about browsing endlessly through photos made me feel dead inside. Looking back, I think I had used it at the wrong point  in my process. I was using Pinterest for inspiration and letting its suggestions guide my style selections. No wonder it felt disingenuous. Pinterest is a helpful tool for helping your florist, photographer, wedding planner and even your venue get on the same page about your aesthetic.

9. Make a decision and make it the right decision: Set yourself free to make decisions and don’t take yourself too seriously because if you do, you will constantly be questioning your choices. My pale pink and dusty green color palette did not fit perfectly with the autumn scenery but it didn’t matter. The most important thing to me that day was making a commitment to the person I loved and enjoying the people who were celebrating alongside us. Have fun and let go.

Photography by: Jen Trahan
Flowers by: Fetching Flora

Gatherings, Garlands and Gallivants

This past November I hosted a small gathering of friends and strangers in my tiny, railroad-style Brooklyn apartment. Every time I host one of these little flower clvb events I get nervous that newcomers will make the trek from the train to my place and upon seeing the door, turn around and head back home. The front door to our apartment leaves much to be desired with silver metal scratches from what looks like a bear mauling  over a faded beige color. It is an aesthetically upsetting first encounter to a home. Shout out to a Flower Clvb first-timer, Alexa Rose who approached the door and chose to walk through it. 

Aside from the abrasive door, there is something about living away from the suburbs which gives guests a lack of assurance that there are enough closets to store all the clutter and a/c units from the season prior. Subconsciously, New Yorkers fear the idea of one couch houses or even worse futons, where you are required to sit real close to the host’s other acquaintances and make small talk. This is why most social encounters in the city happen over brunch or at the bar, where it is loud and too crowded to explain the type of work you do to strangers. 

One occasion where New Yorkers feel less apprehensive towards entering someone’s home is at book club. There is no fear that you will spend endless minutes talking about real estate or the kind of transportation you take to get from one place to another ( New Yorkers, you know exactly what I’m talking about). You are at book club and you are there to talk about books, drink some wine and connect with friends who are at the very least, interested in the same thing you are, reading! It is book club that has inspired Flower Clvb gatherings. Rather than read books we make  flowers while spending about the same amount of money as one would on a book (host included). 

My door…yikes

New flower friend, Alexa!

Just a few days before Thanksgiving we gathered at my house to make festive garlands. Some came for the hang, some came to learn and others to get inspiration for weddings and party hosting. Below I have listed the materials, steps and resources that we discussed during our time together. 

Materials

1. 1 bunch of Italian Ruscus (5-7 stems)
2. 1 bunch of seeded Eucalyptus
3. 1 bunch of Hypericum Berry (or a nearby tree, LOL)
4. Floral paddle wire, 26 gauge
5. Scissors

Step 1

Figure out the length of your surface and twist together the Italian Ruscus accordingly. This will serve as your garland's base.
*Note twist in the same direction until you get to the last stem and then twist together in the opposite direction.

Step 2

Bunch together small pieces of Eucalyptus and berries by placing the berries on top of the Eucalyptus. Using your wire, attach each bunch of Eucalyptus and berries to your Italian Ruscus base by winding the wire around multiple times until it feels secure. Cut the wire with enough extra wire to weave in any more greenery you might want or need. Repeat this step by placing bunches one after the other, covering up your mechanics as you move along until you reach the opposite end. Remember to begin going the other way for the last piece.

Step 3

Once your garland is complete, use the remaining attached wire to weave back in any extra greenery to balance out your garland.

Sourcing & Subscription

All greens were either sourced from the tree outside my house or Associated Flower Market  located here:
131 W. 28th St. New York, NY 10001
Hours: open from 5 AM to 12 PM on weekdays, 6 AM to 11:30 AM on Saturdays, Closed on Sundays.

While the colder weather can be a more difficult time to source things locally, a little foraging goes a long way. You can also find most of these greens and plants at your local bodega.

If you would like to come to the next Flower Clvb gathering, subscribe to the list below and get notifications about future Flower Clvb dates!

Rachel!

Rachel looking fly!

Keesha

Lauren and baby on the way!!

Me!!!!!

Hope in the Midst of Grief

Every wedding is like a Burning Man for florists. You spend days of hard work and energy making something beautiful, all to tear it down a few hours later. It’s a reminder of what a breath this life is. One moment we are here, the next we are gone.

Taking down the chuppah flowers with my husband at the most recent wedding I did was both a joy and sorrow. He spent the first part of the day building it and I spent the second half making it beautiful with Garden Roses, Dahlias and Smilax. I laughed as we hacked at the wood, ripping it apart, clearing out the greenery to have it all out of the venue by midnight. I can fully appreciate why this process is maddening to most people and in many ways it should be. Humans are not wired to destroy the things they create.

The destruction of things will always be reason to grieve whether it’s a mutilated artwork, broken relationship or death itself. If eternity does not exist somewhere deep within us than perhaps we would just accept death as nature’s course. But that is not the human way. When a loved one dies, we mourn that death as the harsh reality that it is. Death feels like it should never happen despite the inevitable fate of us all.  

As I write this I think of my aunt Karen who is slowly departing from us. Unlike me, she is not afraid of her finite time coming to an end. She knows more than any feeling of certainty, the bliss of eternity awaits her. The hope she has in heaven and in the God who has shown great kindness to her during her life, makes cancer a lesser enemy.

Even amidst the beauty of a heaven to come, the image of my elderly grandfather leaning over his frail daughter confounds me as I try to sleep. Why does death have to end in pain? I remember the pain I felt as I was laboring, convinced that such pain had to end in my end. Giving birth might be the closest experience I’ve had to death. I felt as the baby moved through my body that these were my final moments. Then I pushed, transcending time and space, finding new life in my arms. The parallels between birth and death go beyond the mere pains of it. Both are expressed in the last few moments of Hector Berlioz’ Requiem, Grande Messe Des Morts, Op. 5 Offertorium: Domine Jesu Christe, where a choir ascends to a culminating sound of joy, peace and elation after an anxious six minutes of somber orchestration. If you are familiar with this piece then you know exactly what I’m talking about.  I can only imagine death as rebirth into a life that feels even more like home than the one I try to make for my child. I like to imagine for my aunt like I did at the birth of my son, that all which follows our finite lives is just hope actualized.

No amount of hope can ever diminish the great weight of death, however when hope is satisfied than death is absolutely redeemed. Heaven seems so mythical but at least part of me feels like if I could do something as magical as having a baby or growing a plant out of the ground, couldn’t something like heaven be real? If I can re-purpose materials to make something new, can I be re-made?

Photography by Stacey McDonald

When we were done taking down the greenery, my husband and I took it back to my brother and sister-in-law’s row house in Philadelphia. Rather than throwing it in the garbage or compost, I decided to re-install it as a hanging archway on their porch. It became a new creation and though these greens will one day fade back into dirt, the mystery of re-birth manifested itself in an eternal way.

The Truths Flowers Tell

A few years ago when I started getting into flower arranging there was a part of me that was hesitant to get involved with such a colorful media. Living in New York, how do I reconcile the fact that no flower wears black? I feared that the story flowers told, was limited to the beautiful, joyous and celebratory. However, the more I design, the more I realize that the story of the flower is not always one of beauty. Every flower withers.

The tension of finding joy in the beauty of a thing that will not last resonates with me. Who hasn’t experienced death of a friend or family member and wished it was not part of the human experience? As I place flowers together, re-creating new forms out of living ones, I am reminded that they speak of a re-birth just as they speak of death. Pouring my heart and hands into arrangements which are quickly admired and then tossed away feels like life in all of its glory and harshness.

The fact that death is a part of the reality of flowers allows me to engage in the art of floral design in a way that feels true, like I am not dismissing all the hard things of life in exchange for its celebrations. Because of the truth that flowers tell, I am able to think deeply about the world and confront its dark parts with each arrangement I make. It is evident that the world is in great need of love, kindness and compassion and while at times it feels overwhelming, loving the people around me is where it starts. If I cannot show kindness to my own family, how can I show kindness to the stranger?

Flowers lay down their own beauty to exult that of another and laying one’s life down for a friend, brother or even a stranger is the greatest offering that  a human being can give to the world. 

A Reason To Make

Ten years ago when I started my journey in education, an art teacher told me that you do art with your students in hopes that they will see the world differently. As I processed what she said, I began to imagine the students I worked with walking to school, coming home to their neighborhoods with a broader sense of hope for themselves and the places they lived. While I liked this idea, I don’t think I ever experienced it for myself until I began practicing floral design.

Though I am not a formally trained artist, the art of floral arranging is a way for me to explore design, color, texture and making things with my hands. Flower arranging gives me tremendous amounts of joy. I am at an early stage in my career as a florist and every wedding feels like an exciting opportunity to make, create, work with nature and experience this joy. The more flower arrangements I create, the more I begin to notice the verdant life all around me in my urban Brooklyn neighborhood.

What my friend had said all those years ago, I am finally seeing. Every time I go outside I notice the greens, the flowers that are growing and the ones that are dying. I see the different kinds of varieties of greens on a tree. Before, I merely saw the trees in the background of my life and the flowers in each landscape as nature’s platitudes. But as I begin to work with flowers, I realize how profound it truly is that the colors, shapes, smells and textures of a flower are not made my man but are a product of the ground and the magic hand of God which breathes into them. With this in mind, I am seeing the world and everything in it as new.

Recently I went to the aquarium with my 15 month old son and I saw the colors and the lines on the fish as if all of those years travelling to the aquarium and zoo in my childhood, I had been blind to the magnificent designs of nature. Perhaps this new found participation in the design of flowers has lifted a veil from over my eyes. The more arrangements I make, the more awe I have for the wild, the universe and its intricacies which are so far beyond my ability to properly conceive. I love thinking about the deep shades of blue that perhaps no human has ever seen but exists somewhere in the vast seas.

 As a mother, one of the best things I can do for my son is cultivate awe in him and encourage him to explore the mysteries of his surroundings; and in so doing create empathy for his environment as well as his fellow human beings. What better reason to pursue one of man’s first callings to love, care for and nurture the earth and what better reason to make art...and to make babies!

“God took seeds from other worlds and sowed them on earth, and raised up his garden; and everything that could sprout sprouted, but it lives and grows only through its sense of being in touch with other mysterious worlds... ”

— Father Zossima, The Brothers Karamazov

Always Growing

Inspired by the people at Team Flower and their amazing site of resources, I wanted to share why I value professional development and how I am utilizing it in my emerging flower business.

A few years ago a musician friend of mine received the title of "Best Drummer" from the Austin Music Awards. This is the same friend who once told me, "there will always be someone who is better than you." While these words might seem discouraging at first, they are actually quite freeing. If there is always going to be someone better than me than I'll never stop learning! No matter what my trade or profession, if I am the best than innovation is no longer necessary. That is why I believe that taking a stance of "always growing" is essential to keeping the flower industry innovative and interesting. It is through the lens of a student that I develop and hone my skills of flower making and can offer the best arrangements to my clients.

Reaching out to local florists and farmers to ask questions is often intimidating, however I am surprised to see how many designers are willing to offer their knowledge. Another great skill sharing resource for florists is Team Flower. Utilizing the online materials that Team Flower has put on their Youtube channel and website has helped me in learning new techniques for challenging and unique arrangements. While free media resources are wonderful tools, there is nothing like attending an in person workshop where other professional florists are working with you to critique and help you identify areas of growth.

Luckily, Team Flower offers workshops in professional development for florists whether you are starting out or are well established in your practice. I encourage you to browse the amazing offering of classes available for your own professional development in floral design and perhaps we will have the opportunity to meet at one of these wonderful workshops. See the list of classes and events at Team Flower by clicking here.

I know for me, attending a Team Flower workshop would provide the confidence I need to take my business to the next level and allow me to continue learning and growing in my practice. The idea of expanding my network and meeting others at various stages of their careers excites me to no end. Not only do I hope to attend one of these workshops for my own development but further, to share with others the joy of flower arranging.  #TeamFlowerWorskhop #FlowertoFlower #AlwaysGrowing

Things That Grow

The most transcendent experience I have ever had was giving birth to my son Jack. Both in the moments leading up to his entrance and in the realization of what my body was capable of, I found a new hope in God, in the cosmos and what my own life could do. The nine months of waiting prior to meeting him eye to eye was a practice in believing without seeing. Despite the biological evidence and all of human history to back up the truth that there was actually a child inside of me, it was not until Jack arrived that I truly understood the precarious work of nature in bringing forth life.

The whole notion of planting seeds, waiting for them to emerge from the ground and then watching them grow was a process I had never done very easily before giving birth. I have worked in and even managed community gardens in the past but always in teams of people who would do the planting and the waiting, watering and the monitoring of growth. I never wanted to do it because I was afraid that my hands would be the ones which caused the seeds to fail. This fear should have kept me from trying to have kids, however it just made me less careful since I never thought it would really happen. When I saw the positive sign on the pregnancy test I was both overjoyed and relieved that I could also participate in nature's life making.

February 2017, I gave birth to Jack without any medicine. While labor was excruciating, I did not want to miss out on any beauty that  might accompany the pain. I wanted to believe that I could do a hard thing. Giving birth everyday is not possible (luckily), however I believe a similar experience of transcendence is achieved by planting seeds and watching them sprout. If my body can produce such life, perhaps my hands can too. If I can live through labor pain, than maybe I can endure disappointing seasons of drought or seeds that do not come to fruition. Can the hope in things that grow and the wonder in the mysteries of God be enough to breath joy into the everyday? My wager is, yes.

Baby is HERE!

... and has been for 8 months!

Baby On the Way

I am excited to announce that I  just entered into my 2nd trimester of pregnancy. So while I won’t be skate boarding for awhile, I would love to arrange a bouquet for you.